A man sits on a reflective surface divided into distorted segments. Reflections show fragmented perspectives of escalators and skylights. He wears a black shirt and ripped jeans. The image symbolizes the individual’s self-estrangement amid the many roles they occupy in the external world.

In an increasingly complex world, many people feel disconnected from themselves. Self-estrangement is a state in which we lose touch with our inner self – the part of us that offers clarity, authenticity, and inner peace. This phenomenon affects not only individuals, but is also reflected in our social structures. Personal crises, dissatisfaction, stress, and a sense of emptiness are often signs of this disconnection.

The self is often described as the core of our personality – an unchanging part deeply rooted within. It is not the sum of our thoughts, actions, or roles. Psychiatrist Oliver Ruppel emphasizes that the self is not shaped by external circumstances, but remains whole and intact in its essence. It is our authentic being – the inner compass that gives our life meaning. Yet many have lost access to it, and with that, their sense of identity. Reconnecting with the self becomes a crucial step in restoring true self-awareness.

Self-estrangement is the experience of becoming alienated from this inner core. Research describes it as a process in which people no longer feel in harmony with their own values, emotions, and needs. They feel like strangers to themselves and to the world around them (Seeman, 1959). Instead of living from within, they adapt to external expectations and social norms – often leading to a deep inner void.

Ruppel sees self-estrangement as the constant pull toward the external – into work, roles, and fulfilling others’ expectations. This doesn’t just cause personal dissatisfaction, but also distances us from others and society. Personal and collective crises often go hand in hand.

Inner emptiness: Life feels meaningless despite success or meeting obligations.
Dissatisfaction: Even joyful moments feel flat or superficial.
Lack of direction: Difficulty making decisions or finding a clear life path.
Stress and exhaustion: Constant pressure to perform and conform leads to burnout.
Isolation: A sense of disconnection, even in the presence of others.

A person stands in the middle of a field of tall, yellow-flowering plants. They wear a light green top and red shorts. Holding a round mirror in front of their face, the mirror reflects the surrounding landscape and hides their face from view.

Self-estrangement doesn’t just impact personal well-being – it shapes our culture. People who are disconnected from themselves struggle to build authentic relationships, leading to more superficial social interactions. In a world driven by performance, social media, and consumption, this disconnection is becoming more visible. And the farther we drift from ourselves, the more we lose connection with others.

Ruppel points out that many of today’s societal issues – from burnout and polarization to emotional numbness – stem from this very disconnection. The gap between our inner lives and outer realities grows wider the more we stray from the self.

Self-estrangement is not a final state. It can be a wake-up call to return to yourself. That requires time, presence, and above all, the courage to pause and look within. It’s about reconnecting with your own feelings, values, and needs – without letting external expectations take over.

Here are a few steps that can help:

Strengthen self-awareness
Take regular pauses to check in. How do you really feel? What emotions come up when you’re not distracted?
Practice self-honesty
Which choices in your life come from within – and which are shaped by what others expect of you?
Have the courage to change
Letting go of old patterns and roles is uncomfortable – but freeing. Growth often comes through discomfort.
Cultivate connection
Deep connection with yourself opens the door to authentic relationships. It’s not about closeness alone, but about real presence – human to human.

A woman with long blond hair tied in a bun leans over a reflective surface that she is in the process of piecing back together. She wears a black top and uses both arms to push the fragmented mirror pieces into a whole. As she does, she looks directly into the mirror.

Returning to yourself also deepens your ability to connect with others. The more clearly you see yourself, the more deeply you can see others. This kind of connection has a healing effect – both personally and collectively. In a society where disconnection is the norm, regaining connection is the remedy.

Self-estrangement is one of the great silent challenges of our time. But the way back begins with small, conscious steps. When we reconnect with our inner core, we create space for clarity, compassion, and true connection – with ourselves and with the world around us.